What are the steps to heat training my natural hair?

I've been growing my hair for about 2 1/2 years and it has grown quite a bit but due to my shrinkage(75%) I cant really enjoy my hair growth. So I have flat ironed once and blow dried like twice. Now when I blow dried my hair I must have left out some steps cus I didnt achieve soft fluffy shiney hair in fact it was a tug of war with alot of snap, crackle,pop going on lol. NowI liked the resultsof the flat iron but truth be told I didnt know what I was doing and if I did it properly,also it reverted the next day. So I havent tried since but now im just frustrated and want to loosen up my coiles without damage and losing my texture. NO RUDE OR RACIAL REMARKS!!!